How will we heal?
Seeking external solutions
Man always goes after what is easy first. He wants someone to come along or find a way to solve all of his problems.
Either he says “I just don’t want to feel this pain” as he cannot find the time and strength to look at the source of his problem; or he falls into great despair as no matter how hard he tries he cannot get results and says “at least let me save the day”.
The key point here is where we look for the solution. Because when we look for it outside – in a person, in a method or in a medicine – we distract ourselves from the source of the problem and even focus in the opposite direction.
We try this, we try that, and when they don’t work, we think that the perfect solution we need has not yet arrived on the market, or maybe we have not come across it yet. Until we are convinced that this is not the way to find a solution anyway…
As we look for shortcut solutions, demand creates supply; those who offer solutions that are too simple and too fast to be real appear right in front of us. The more we deceive ourselves, the more we are open to being deceived by others, consciously or unconsciously.
Unfortunately, there is no “wash and go” way of healing that is absolutely short-lived and controlled. On the other hand, I’m not saying that this process has to take years. The issue here is not the duration, but the approach. With the right approach, you can have a life-changing insight in a flash into something you’ve been struggling for years.
Seeking mental solutions
Even though we desperately look for solutions within the confines of the mind just because it is the only place we have control on and the only place we know, they are not there. There is no healing without letting go of control.
We cannot truly solve our emotional problems with mental/cognitive methods. Rather, such methods improve our ability to manage and control the emotions that have the power to take us over. You think you are healed because the impact on you has subsided for a while, whereas everything that needs to be resolved stays there until the next wave.
We don’t have an option like both “I don’t want to get out of my mind’s mansion, I don’t want to get dirty with emotions” and “these emotions should do what I say and fly away at once”.
On the other hand, there are those who never hesitate to get involved in emotions; and they would say, “this intensity just drains me, I can’t get out of this mess”.
Passing through the darkness is inevitable
At this point, we see that healing is neither possible by distancing ourselves from the deep waters of emotions nor by losing ourselves in it like a dead fish.
Then how will it be possible?
The answer is: by simultaneously keeping our distance and passing through those intense emotions that scorch us, freeze us, hurt us. In other words, by becoming able to hold an unwavering space for emotions to express themselves and complete their process through transmutation without avoiding to feel them. It sounds not possible for these two exact opposite things to happen at the same time, right? But it is indeed possible and this is the solution.
We want a magic wand to get rid of all our problems and not to go and look at what is there ourselves; but it doesn’t work that way. It requires a bit of blood, a bit of sweat and lots of tears. The doors of heaven cannot be opened unless we go through the darkness.
The only requirement for this is to hold a large burning torch so that we don’t get lost in the dark. So, what we need is the power to discern which will keep us on the path even in the pitch-dark, and the stability of the space we are in which will make us feel safe no matter how harsh the conditions are.
We are not in need of anyone else for this, and the main goal is to be able to do it on our own. However, until then, we should not hesitate to get support from the people who can hold this unwavering space for us that is free of intervention, when we consider it necessary.
This is the path in a nutshell.
Keep the fire burning.