How does transformation begin?
Being honest with yourself
People who are honest with themselves are able to see themselves as they are. In an age where we have grown up without knowing what it means to be accepted as we are, almost everyone carries a serious sense of shame and guilt about their existence. We try to walk the path of life not by wondering what we really are, but by deviating from our own unique route to avoid stepping on the mines of shame and guilt laid on this path.
It is not easy to live honestly. Due to our defense mechanism, things that we are not able to cope with cannot remain in our conscious field and they sink into the unconscious. This paves the way for us to deceive ourselves under all circumstances and cheat on ourselves in the first place.
As we become able to accept our part in what is happening, or able to bear the emotions associated with what is happening, the stuff that has been buried may reveal itself.
Taking responsibility
People tend to see themselves as detached from their relationships, from society and the corruption within that society.
Whenever they witness a problem, they immediately throw the ball to their spouse, family, administrators, the opposing party or any other external force like a professional tennis player and avoid losing points. There is such a focus on not losing points that even though everyone complains about fighting and polarization, most people are not interested in why the ball is there in the first place, why there are even two sides and why they are competing with each other.
Like children whose parents will come to take them home at the end of the activity, we refuse to take ownership of our responsibilities of being an individual; but when you look at it, we all want to have happy relationships and live in a peaceful world.
Why don’t we have any other choice?
Unless we own the right responsibility and the real power that comes with it, as long as we attribute evil only to those we deem “evil” and get away with it, we chronically live in a complaining mode and are arrogant towards others. We prefer a false sense of satisfaction to the truth and this creates a never-ending spiral of suffering that never leads to real solutions.
On the other hand, there are many people who say that they want to heal emotionally, but they try to do it without being honest with themselves and without taking responsibility. So, the actual intention is to validate their position rather than to get to the truth. They experience the unconscious frustration of not being able to change things even though they try a million ways, or by this way, they show everyone else that they try their best to change but it simply does not happen.
However, the problem is the approach at the beginning. Rejecting things we are not yet able to handle is normal and valid for all of us. In fact, that is what keeps us alive. The first safe step we can take is to set an intention to completely be honest with ourselves and take the right responsibility for it. The rest will take shape at the pace we are ready for and in a way that is right for us.
Truth is freedom.
The choice is yours.